well i am feeling all bloggy today, though i have felt that way alot since my last post this is the first time i got off my lazy ass. i was just pondering why i do the things i do. how often is the forethought i give something based upon emotion, or just perceived emotion? this said because i question my ability to actually "act" on what i "feel". i lie to myself all the time, and it really makes me wonder what the fuck is going on in my head. i know i am lying but i am not always sure how or what speciafically i am lying about. it is frustrating mainly due to the fact i fell like i am at a very crucial point in my life right now, and i am basing decisions on what i think are true emotions. gosh i hope so. cuz if not i am well on my way to making my life a clusterfuck. say i am right, but the feedback i am getting is not copacetic with what i thought i was doing. the question to next ask is, am i not right or am i just a victim of circumstances beyond my control. i feel so alone and unable to open up. ill be back later...